Social Life

This should be the best time of your life. You will never again live with this many people who are the same age and have the same goals as you do. (Except maybe in the nursing home!) Whether you are a book worm who needs to get out more or a party animal who is in danger of failing school the same message applies to both of you-- you need to maintain a balance. 

• If you are spending more than 8 hours a day on a computer you ARE overdoing it. Your brain can only be productive for so long – so the rest of the time you are spending on line is wasted.
• If you are playing so much that you are neglecting your work, well, you deserve to fail – the party will be over soon when you get yourself kicked out.
• Never study in your dorm room and leave your door open unless you are changing or sleeping. 
• Get involved by joining clubs, teams, groups and volunteer for charities.  You will create wonderful memories and make life long friends.  
• Go out and have fun every weekend (except during mid-terms and finals) but not to the exclusion of all else.
• Making social connections is also vital to your emotional health.  It gives you confidence and self worth. 

Sex

This is not an easy subject for parents to discuss with their children.  Some never do but we really should talk about this because you need to be safe. 

1. Protect yourself -- use a condom to prevent pregnancy, AIDs and STD's.  If you don't have a condom put off intercourse or do something else.  You've probably heard it before, "You're not just having sex with one person, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with."
2. Never force yourself on someone else -- NO means NO.  If you do you are committing rape, period.
3. Wait until you really know and care about someone before having sex with them.  It's a much better experience.  Sorry to be so blunt but only animals should have sex with strangers.  People should be a little more sophisticated.     
4. Have a frank discussion with your partner about expectations and responsibility in case of pregnancy.  Yes, I know what a downer.  Hello?  Babies are a natural product of sex.  What are you going to do if it happens?  Not a good idea to find out later that you are on totally different wavelengths.        

Alcohol

I would never encourage you to drink alcohol especially if you are underage. But I am a realist and I know that many of you do drink and some of you abuse alcohol. With that in mind, I offer you a few words of wisdom from students who are currently in school.

• If you plan to drink, remember to drink as much water as you do alcohol.
• Always eat food to absorb that alcohol. Drinking on an empty stomach makes you sick and if you don’t replenish your fluids you will have a mean hangover in the morning.
• Some suggest taking aspirin after drinking and before going to bed.
• But I think the water might be doing more good than the aspirin because alcohol dehydrates you.
• Others suggest taking a B12 vitamin because alcohol depletes that too.

In some cultures children are offered alcohol at mealtime (usually diluted with water) at a very early age.  Sounds sort of shocking by American standards but I think their approach is worth consideration.  Children are taught that alcohol is only meant to be served as a complement to a meal. You never drink without having something to go with it.  If you grow up that way you are less inclined to drink to excess. 

It seems as if cultures that have the most restrictive alcohol policies have more trouble with alcoholism than those who don’t.  I am not necessarily suggesting that we need to make our laws more lenient but I do think we need more common sense around alcohol.  If it is taboo, then everyone wants to do it and behaves strangely around it.  Do we do anything else as excessively?  If binge drinking is ok, then why not binge eating, or sleeping or working or sex?  Doing anything to excess is bad for you.  How do you behave around alcohol?  Are you a responsible drinker?  How do you feel after a night of excessive drinking?  How do people who are drunk appear to you when you are sober? 

Drugs

This is another tough subject -- you shouldn't do this but you know that.  Banned substances will hurt you in any number of ways.   

1. If you are thinking about smoking or ingesting illegal substances at least make an informed choice. 
2. Find out what the consequences are of getting caught. 
3. Will you be arrested, kicked out of school, suspended?
4. Consider the costs to your health, your wallet, your record, your reputation, your future.
5. Look carefully at people who are doing drugs?  How are they performing at school, at work?  Are you sure you want to emulate them?  
6. If you are still going to go through with it, please be careful. Know what you are putting in your body, what's it cut with, what's the dosage, what are the side effects. 
7. Talk to your friends and have a plan in place in case something goes wrong.

Therapy

Have you ever noticed when you go to the gym to work out that most people seem to already be in great shape? Sure there are always a few heavy people trying to get their bodies back, and some actually succeed. But on the whole the physically fit are working out regularly.

It’s the same way when you go to the therapists’ office.  Psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists will tell you that people who need the most help never come to see them.  Everyone needs a little help sometimes and people who know that and seek it out are the healthy ones.  Going for therapy is a little like exercising your emotional self.  Sometimes you feel great afterwards and sometimes you feel a little sore.  The process of healing your emotions is a bit like healing muscles.  In the end, it makes you a lot stronger.

• In many cultures getting emotional help is frowned on but please don’t give in to that backward way of thinking.
• Yes, we all have friends and relatives to confide in but it is not the same thing.
• A qualified therapist is more than a good listener or a shoulder to cry on.  
• Trained professionals help you sort out your thoughts and make decisions based on your best interests. 
• It's a lot like fixing your car on your own versus taking it to a good mechanic. 
• He or she can provide the tools to help you deal with difficult situations and change unhealthy behaviors. 
• Shop around.  Just as you wouldn't take your car to a bad mechanic so too you must find a therapist that makes you feel at ease and gives you confidence so together you can solve your problems.